It’s all ego

It’s all ego
All of it
All of our worthiness projects
Every single one of them

Each post, provocation, and premiere
Hanging there like stars
Who’s light we long to shine on us
Validating our being

The framed sunsets and smiles
The lighting and lines
Comments and likes
Are all impotent attempts at satiating our souls

I’ve been doing it this whole time
I’ve given decades of my life to it
Forging a church Ex Nhilo
So much sleeplessness, sweat, and stress went into it

Yes, it is beautiful
But it’s also bullshit

Today I’ve got to make words appear on a screen
Words that will rally the troops once more
And convince us yet again that it’s all worth it

But is it?
Worth it?

Or is it all a reflection of my sickness?
That I want to feel valued
That I want to be seen
That I want to be better than them
And that I want to be loved

What is it that keeps us going each day?
What is it that makes a man do anything other than hold his beloved
And give it all away building something to prove that he was there?
That he was worthy?

It’s all ego
All of it
All of our worthiness projects
At least most of them

Peace be still
Peace be still
The storm rages
Peace be still

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